Last nights birth was amazing! I'll share the story later when mom is ready, but for now I want to share with you some exciting things about the experience from a professional view.
It would be nice if we didn't need to, but I encourage moms to write a birth plan. Many times when I mention it, I'm given this response... "why bother, they don't follow it anyway." Well, I'm here to tell you, I've attended more than 50 births in the last two years, over 40 of which were at the Antelope Valley WIP (Women Infants Pavilion) and I can honestly say; that is NO LONGER TRUE! (happy dance!)
In the course of those two years I've seen a big shift in the attitude toward birth plans and intervention-free births at the WIP!
I began to notice this shift in the last six to eight months. The first time it caught my attention was when a common situation was handled differently than ever before. I often bring moms in at the last minute. It's usually what mom wants but can be very intense getting through triage and into a room. It often involves running, sometimes involves dad nearly passing out, and once, involved telling mom to pick up her baby that just arrived in the hallway and the nurses were too busy steering the gurney to help her! (that's one way to get to catch your own baby there!)
In any case, the response from the nurses used to be (key phrase right there people!!) all about why we waited so long, why didn't we come sooner, was this on purpose, and how lucky we were to have made it and other not-so-subtle scoldings. Just what every mother wants as she's having a baby, to be scolded like she is one, right?!
Now, fast forward to the last several months and another handful of these stop and drops: the scenario is the same, running, catching, sighing with relief, but the tone has totally shifted. No longer do we hear scolding. It is now things like "is there a birth plan?" "What do we need to know right now about what you want?" And my favorite was the dr rushing in, seeing mom on her hands and knees (don't worry, I ran down the hall beside her covering her behind until we got in the room... no mooning bystanders on my watch! lol!) and he asked, "are you staying like that?" His response to her "yes" was "alright, I'll wait back here."
But wait! There's more! (lol!) Things got even better last night! I've just returned from a 12 week break , but the last birth I did at AV was about 15 weeks ago.
I honestly didn't think my absence there would be noticed, and was pleasantly surprised when a nurse caught a glimpse of us in triage and popped her head in to say "hey you're here! Did you bring us another calm mom?" And walking down the hall to hear "hi. oh,
hey, I know you, where ya been?" and from the Dr when he walked in: "Hey, I've worked with you a
few times, I like your style, this is gonna be great!" And the dad heard a
nurse at shift change asking for our room!
Now, brace yourself, this gets BETTER!!
After the birth was over and mom, dad and baby were getting all mushy mushy, mom looks up at me and whispers, "I got every thing I wanted and nothing I didn't want." We were there about 2 hours before baby arrived, so there was plenty of time for those unwanted things to take place, but she and her requests were honored respectfully. I can't wait to tell you more about it in another post! :)
I've been telling people for a while now that while the WIP is no birth haven, it is my "doula home", my "turf" so to speak. I know it well, and now I'm feeling like they know me a bit. The bottom line is; changes are happening! We've not arrived by a long shot but we are heading in a positive direction.
Mommas... Write those birth plans! I'll be teaching workshops this year on how to write one that is well received so email me, or follow this blog, if you'd like to be notified of the dates.
Fellow doulas... our
reputation is so important to positive change! Keep up the awesome work and always be aware that we are being watched, and even though we may be alone at a birth, we always represent each other. Make sure your behavior reflects doulas in a positive light! Thank you, all who have been at the WIP in a way that has positively contributed to this direction of change. :-)
Hugs to ya! =)
~Shannon
Showing posts with label Doula stories. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Doula stories. Show all posts
Tuesday, January 29, 2013
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
What do you mean - "You're on call"?
Being on call means doulas have to consider a whole lot more than just a phone...
Here's 8 things on our mind while we wait for "the call"...
1. "Is that a wedding ring on your cell phone?" Yup! Pretty much married to the gadget during on-call weeks!
2. Beauty rest... well, you get what you get if you call me at 3 a.m.... but I do try to get to bed at a decent hour every night so I can see straight when you do call! Nothing worse than being called a 1 a.m. after staying up till midnight!
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| heeheee... car flags for doulas and mommas in labor! www.signoflabor.com |
4. What goes in, might come out. This means we have watch what we eat... Tuna for lunch? Not enough Crest in the world to kill that breath! Onion rings? Scope can't touch this. Beans... well, let's just say sometimes life stinks. *chuckle* But really, not much worse than trying to help a momma change positions while trying not to let one rip.
5. There's only one time the word virgin fits into my line of work... when ordering drinks while on-call! 'Nuf said.
6. Murphy's Law. There are two days that babies are most likely to come; one is the day I have jam packed full of plans; the other is the day I have none and decide to stay in my jammies and not shower, color my hair and paint my nails. THAT is the day I'll get a call saying "come NOW!"
7. Sleep aids... bahahahhaha! uh. NO.
8. Earthquake preparedness extreme. AKA my doula bag... So in case of emergency, I can cook ya some rice,(rice socks) exercise,(tennis balls and fitness ball) keep you warm (rebozo) and massage the knots out of your back! (massage oil)
After being blessed with 21 one families in 2011, I decided not to take any clients for the month of February. I'm not sure I'll know how to behave!
Hugs to ya!
Shannon =)
Sunday, November 20, 2011
No pity party here
She's been pacing the halls of her home for hours. Stopping every so often to rock and sway and groan through her pains. Sometimes she wants support or eyes to stare into or hands to hold. Sometimes she winds her way into a dark room and stays alone.
As the hours tick away, her pains become all but consuming. She needs consistent support and affirmations. She wants to quit. Give up. Stop the pain. She looks at me with pleading eyes. As if silently trying to inflict her pain on me instead.
I understand this, but I don't feel sorry for her. There is no need to.
I'm convinced she doesn't want my sorrow. She wants my strength. She wants my confidence in her. She wants to see herself in me. So when I look her in the eye and tell her she's "got this" she sees that it's true.
I was at a long hard labor last night, well, the last two nights actually. Told you it was long! Whenever she would say something had changed, more pressure, more intensity, more frequent; I'd say "Good! This is great! Baby's coming!" Finally she looked at me and said "is anything ever not good for you?" and I just smiled and replied, "You're getting feisty, this is good." We laughed a bit but the truth is, labor is good. Pressure is good, intensity is good and frequent contractions are good! They are necessary to bring her baby into her arms. I never said "sorry."
If I felt sorry for her, I would also feel a need to take her pain from her, to give her an escape, to rescue her. She doesn't need that, and when she's honest, she'll tell you she doesn't want it either.
What she needs is confidence balanced with a healthy dose of empathy: "the intellectual identification with or vicarious experiencing of the feelings, thoughts, or attitudes of another."
So I give her what she needs. I let her know how all her feelings and thoughts are normal. I keep her focused. I bolster her courage. I remind her of her coping skills. I keep her putting one foot in front of the other all the way to the finish line.
The more she wants out, the more I point her inward. The more she tries to escape, the more her success depends on her being totally in tune with her body and the work it's doing. She doesn't need my sorrow. She needs herself. The strength is in her and what she needs is me to show her where it is and how to rely on it; not to feel sorry for her. As someone once said (Ina May perhaps?) "Labor cannot be stronger than you, because it IS you."
As the hours tick away, her pains become all but consuming. She needs consistent support and affirmations. She wants to quit. Give up. Stop the pain. She looks at me with pleading eyes. As if silently trying to inflict her pain on me instead.
I understand this, but I don't feel sorry for her. There is no need to.
The word sorry means: "feeling regret, sympathy, pity, regrettable or deplorable, unfortunate, tragic, sorrowful, grieved, or sad."
I don't, and shouldn't feel sorry for a laboring momma.
I don't, and shouldn't feel sorry for a laboring momma.
I'm convinced she doesn't want my sorrow. She wants my strength. She wants my confidence in her. She wants to see herself in me. So when I look her in the eye and tell her she's "got this" she sees that it's true.
I was at a long hard labor last night, well, the last two nights actually. Told you it was long! Whenever she would say something had changed, more pressure, more intensity, more frequent; I'd say "Good! This is great! Baby's coming!" Finally she looked at me and said "is anything ever not good for you?" and I just smiled and replied, "You're getting feisty, this is good." We laughed a bit but the truth is, labor is good. Pressure is good, intensity is good and frequent contractions are good! They are necessary to bring her baby into her arms. I never said "sorry."
If I felt sorry for her, I would also feel a need to take her pain from her, to give her an escape, to rescue her. She doesn't need that, and when she's honest, she'll tell you she doesn't want it either.
What she needs is confidence balanced with a healthy dose of empathy: "the intellectual identification with or vicarious experiencing of the feelings, thoughts, or attitudes of another."
So I give her what she needs. I let her know how all her feelings and thoughts are normal. I keep her focused. I bolster her courage. I remind her of her coping skills. I keep her putting one foot in front of the other all the way to the finish line.
The more she wants out, the more I point her inward. The more she tries to escape, the more her success depends on her being totally in tune with her body and the work it's doing. She doesn't need my sorrow. She needs herself. The strength is in her and what she needs is me to show her where it is and how to rely on it; not to feel sorry for her. As someone once said (Ina May perhaps?) "Labor cannot be stronger than you, because it IS you."
You got this momma! Rock it! I'm proud of you!
Hugs to ya!
Shannon =) definitions from Dictionary.com
Sunday, April 3, 2011
A day in the doula life
I'm often asked what my fee includes. The simple answer is to say, "visit my services page and it explains it all".
The not as simple answer is best explained with an overview of a delivery week... this includes the few days prior to, including and a few days after attending a birth.
I go "on call" two weeks before her due date. Also referred to by my family as going phone obsessive. It doesn't leave my side. It is next to my plate, next to my bed, next to the shower. I "check" it almost as often as I blink.
In this case, I've been on call for 9 days already. Keeping all plans tentative and staying well rested, keeping my gas tank at least half full taking two cars places in case I have to leave in a hurry, And of course, spending an awkward amount of time with my phone.
Tuesday
3:43 A.M. Cell phone screams. Well, it sings "baby baby I get down on my knees for you...." but its sounds like a scream at this hour. It's momma saying she's having lower back pain and can't sleep. It comes and goes and nothing helps. I suggest a warm shower, a small bite to eat, go potty and call me back.
5:18 A.M. Cell phone screams/sings again. Its momma saying the pain stopped and she's going to try to sleep. I appreciate this because I sleep much better knowing she is resting and I no longer have to cancel my days plans. Actually, since I'm on call for her, I don't have many plans and the ones I do are all "penciled in".
7:30 A.M. I'm up and getting started for my day. I get Stacey ready for school and send CJ off to drop her there. I get the days lesson plans and start Michelle on her History assignment while I sit with Robby to study the moon.
9:30 A.M. Call momma (now that I'm coherent) and give her a few stretches and sitting positions to help sooth her back. I suggest she spend time sitting on her birth ball to help relax her pelvis and encourage baby to settle into the best position for birth.
1:30 P.M. I know this momma is likely to labor soon so I opt for a short nap. I've become queen of cat naps. I've learned not to take them in my room or I'll sleep too long, but the sofa allows for just enough rest. I also have to squeeze it in before Stacey gets home - She prefers my eyes open and will try to keep them that way. :) So I assign some quiet school work and chores and snuggle up.
The not as simple answer is best explained with an overview of a delivery week... this includes the few days prior to, including and a few days after attending a birth.
I go "on call" two weeks before her due date. Also referred to by my family as going phone obsessive. It doesn't leave my side. It is next to my plate, next to my bed, next to the shower. I "check" it almost as often as I blink.
In this case, I've been on call for 9 days already. Keeping all plans tentative and staying well rested, keeping my gas tank at least half full taking two cars places in case I have to leave in a hurry, And of course, spending an awkward amount of time with my phone.
Tuesday
3:43 A.M. Cell phone screams. Well, it sings "baby baby I get down on my knees for you...." but its sounds like a scream at this hour. It's momma saying she's having lower back pain and can't sleep. It comes and goes and nothing helps. I suggest a warm shower, a small bite to eat, go potty and call me back.
5:18 A.M. Cell phone screams/sings again. Its momma saying the pain stopped and she's going to try to sleep. I appreciate this because I sleep much better knowing she is resting and I no longer have to cancel my days plans. Actually, since I'm on call for her, I don't have many plans and the ones I do are all "penciled in".
7:30 A.M. I'm up and getting started for my day. I get Stacey ready for school and send CJ off to drop her there. I get the days lesson plans and start Michelle on her History assignment while I sit with Robby to study the moon.
9:30 A.M. Call momma (now that I'm coherent) and give her a few stretches and sitting positions to help sooth her back. I suggest she spend time sitting on her birth ball to help relax her pelvis and encourage baby to settle into the best position for birth.
1:30 P.M. I know this momma is likely to labor soon so I opt for a short nap. I've become queen of cat naps. I've learned not to take them in my room or I'll sleep too long, but the sofa allows for just enough rest. I also have to squeeze it in before Stacey gets home - She prefers my eyes open and will try to keep them that way. :) So I assign some quiet school work and chores and snuggle up.
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